"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

"I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'"

"When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction."

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it."

"There is a phenomenal amount of pressure on women in this industry: they are considered vintage by the time they hit their mid-30s."

"A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman."

"Plato's philosophy is a dignified preface to future religion."

"Safety from external danger is the most powerful director of national conduct. Even the ardent love of liberty will, after a time, give way to its dictates."