"If God dropped acid, would he see people?"

"I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding."

"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators."

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."

"Money is the seed of money, and the first guinea is sometimes more difficult to acquire than the second million."

"Don't matter how much money you got, there's only two kinds of people: there's saved people and there's lost people."

"I never heard of an old man forgetting where he had buried his money! Old people remember what interests them: the dates fixed for their lawsuits, and the names of their debtors and creditors."

"Money, like vodka, turns a person into an eccentric."