"Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I'd make one that I can't get yelled at for."

"The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don't know if I'll ever be as good a dad as my dad."

"God gave me some weird, beautiful scent that makes men and women go crazy. People compare it to Carvel. It is a whale of a smell."

"I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he never made us feel like he was pressured. I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that."

"Silence is the mother of truth."

"Mom spent the time that she was supposed to be a kid actully raising children, her younger brother and younger sister. She was tough as nails and did not suffer fools at all. And the truth was she could not afford to. She spoke the truth, bluntly, directly, and without much varnish. I am her son."

"Every adolescent has that dream every century has that dream every revolutionary has that dream, to destroy the family."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."