"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds."

"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

"Don't follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise."

"A good artist is willing to die many times over. What's funny is, I've died so many times."

"It's a positive thing to talk about terrible things and make people laugh about them."

"I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me."

"The laughs mean more to me than the adoration. If two girls walk up to me and one says 'you're cute', I'll say thank you, but I appreciate it much more when the other one says 'you make me laugh so much'."