"The most brilliant satire of all time was 'A Modest Proposal' by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out."

"You don't despair about something like the Middle East, you just do the best you can."

"The echoes of eternity remind us that the truest form of bravery is vulnerability."

"The world is being run by irresponsible spoiled brats."

"I had a wonderful mother who wanted my sister and me to have everything, even though money was a very prominent thing we didn't have. But we had a very happy childhood - pretty much ideal, in fact."

"… the majestic equality of the law, which forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread."

"In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it."

"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."