"I'm the least spiritual person in the world. I can't even abide a smelly candle. I know it's meant to make me relax, and that immediately makes my hackles rise."

"I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job."

"I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It's because I'm freelance, and I've never had a proper job. I don't have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me."

"I am not sure gender ever won't be an issue in comedy, because I think that women do have different priorities in some respects."

"I know it's not cat food, but what exactly is it that they put inside of tinned ravioli?"

"Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile."

"What do I care about the purring of one who cannot love, like the cat?"

"I'm youth, I'm joy, I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg."