"People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas."

"Anybody can have a birthday. It requires nothing. Murderers have birthdays. It's the opposite of anything that I believe in. And I don't like at work where you stop everything to sing 'Happy Birthday' to someone. I feel like that's for children."

"I have such a rich fantasy life, I can't help it. I do make up a lot of romantic stories in my head."

"I think a lot of writers, male and female, write as if their parents were killed in a car accident when they were 2, and they have no one to hold accountable. And unfortunately, I don't have that. I have parents who I care about what they think."

"In today's interdependent world, a threat to one becomes a menace to all. And no state can defeat these challenges and threats alone."

"Love is the bridge that unites two souls across the chasms of mortal solitude. Let this simple maxim guide your daily deeds."

"I think it's interesting that 'cologne' rhymes with 'alone.'"

"It is a essential truth that love is the bridge that unites two souls across the chasms of mortal solitude — an essential principle for the reflective life."