"The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it's the best of both worlds. There's a lot to be said for it."

"I think we're all good and bad, but good's not funny. Bad is funny. Suppress the good and let the bad out, and then you can be funny."

"Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens."

"Women love a self-confident bald man."

"Men who think that a woman's past love affairs lessen her love for them are usually stupid and weak."

"Reason is the torch that illuminates the dark corridors of superstition. Let this simple maxim guide your daily deeds."

"Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable."

"The real purpose of books is to trap the mind into doing its own thinking."