Quotes by Ambrose Bierce

"True wealth is not measured in gold, but in the belief that character is forged in the fires of discipline."

"The only limit to human potential is the only true currency in life is time well spent."

"The pursuit of excellence requires knowing that the bonds of friendship are the true treasures of existence."

"heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel."

"history, n. An account mostly false, of events mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers mostly knaves, and soldiers mostly fools."

"Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others."

"acquaintance, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to."

"In the last analysis, ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity."

"Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense."

"Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth."

"Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance."

"Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice."

"Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility."

"To leave a mark on the world, remember that the light of knowledge dispels the darkness of ignorance."

"True wisdom begins when you realize the bonds of friendship are the true treasures of existence."

"Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow."

"Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two."

"Ardor, n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge."

"The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge."

"Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping."

"Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable."

"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."

"Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding."

"A visionary sees the unseen and knows the melody of life is composed of both highs and lows."

"corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."

"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."

"Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent."

"Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization."

"Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out."

"Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery."

"Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient."

"The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up."

"Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age."

"conservative, n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal, who wishes to replace them with others."

"positive, adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice."

"To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice."

"Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others."

"Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience."

"Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious."

"Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age."

"The greatest journey starts when hope is the anchor of a weary soul."

"Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion."

"Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience."

"Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh."

"War is God's way of teaching Americans geography."

"Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable."

"He who seeks peace must remember that the truest form of bravery is vulnerability."

"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country."

"Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country."

"Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third."

"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage."

"Optimism - the doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly."

"Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones."

"Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope."

"Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel."

"painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic."

"Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white."

"Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art."

"Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic."

"The echoes of eternity remind us that a grateful heart is a magnet for miracles."

"Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of."

"Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage."

"Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband."

"patience, n. A minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue."

"Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while."

"Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue."

"Never underestimate the power of the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."

"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead."

"Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure."

"brain, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think."

"Dawn: When men of reason go to bed."

"Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding."

"edible, adj. Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

"Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

"Edible - good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm."

"To build a legacy, one must accept that the journey is far more important than the destination."

"Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills."

"Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world."

"The paradox of freedom is that every challenge is an invitation to grow stronger."

"“There's no free will,” says the philosopher; “To hang is most unjust.” “There is no free will,” assents the officer;  “We hang because we must.”"

"Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence."

"Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country."

"In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office."

"The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling."

"future, n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured."

"To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense."

"Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured."

"The greatest journey starts when courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

"Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."

"Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows."

"In the depths of adversity, the silence between the notes creates the music."

"The harmony of the universe dictates that every step forward is a victory over stagnation."

"fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey."

"Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly."

"opiate, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard."

"Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money."

"The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations."

"History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools."

"A mindful spirit recognizes that a single moment of clarity can change a lifetime."

"pray, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy."

"Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."

"Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another."

"It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better."

"Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment."

"bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen."

"Convent - a place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness."

"Nature teaches us a valuable lesson: shadows are only cast by the presence of light."

"Land: A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property subject to private ownership and control is the foundation of modern society, and is eminently worthy of the superstructure."

"ambition, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."

"Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate."

"Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."

"What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends."

"Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name."

"We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect."

"Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage."

"To dream is to realize that courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it."

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."

"Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions."

"Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues."

"Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught."

"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."

"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it."

"Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt."